I arrived yesterday at Church House knowing that the day would be a momentous one for me whatever happened in the debate about LLF. It was to be my final day as a member of the General Synod, and the final opportunity I would have to be in the chair. In fact, I was due to chair two debates, one in the morning on governance and one in the afternoon on safeguarding. But, as you know, the fact that the LLF debate had to be adjourned at 7.15pm the previous evening and resumed after Morning Prayer, meant that everything was being bumped. In the ‘green room’ for the chairs, the lawyers and the administrators, we were trying to work through the implications.

The thought was that LLF probably needed another three hours to deal with the remaining 8 amendments and to give some time for a debate on the main Motion, whether at that stage it be amended or unamended. In fact the remainder of the debate took three and a quarter hours, concluding at about 12.30pm. How Geoffrey Tattersall and the team managed it (he was the chair who did a magnificent job) I do not know. It was a masterclass in how to manage something that had all the ingredients to become a most toxic moment. But through lightness of touch and no little humour the debate was brought to its conclusion.

My comment had been that ‘it could have been worse’ and that remained true. It could have been worse. As the debate wore on and as all but one of the amendments fell through lack of support from one side or the other, and as I looked at the voting numbers of each of the Houses at each point, I remained nervous that the final vote might be very tight.

The result has been well reported but here it is

Bishops: For 36; Against 4; Abstentions 2

Clergy: For 111; Against 85; Abstentions 3

Laity: For 103; Against 92; Abstentions 5

That means the total figures, if there had been a simple count of the whole Synod, was

For 250; Against 181; Abstentions 10

But the truth is that in the Houses of Clergy and Laity there was not a 2/3rds majority and so if we had been talking about formally changing the Canon on marriage I don’t think there would have been the support needed. So this was the best we could have hoped for and we look forward now to a period of reception in the church, the technical phrase for ‘getting used to it’.

Can you believe it? I woke this morning. The sun was shining on the dome of St Paul’s, the sky was a powdery blue and it felt like a better day had dawned, that we were in a better church, that we had a better story to tell. That phrase ‘a better story’ was one that obviously was being rehearsed throughout the debate by the opponents of the LLF motion. they spoke of us being able to tell a better story, the better story of the Jesus they knew who requires those who are gay to live their life in imposed celibacy, who requires heterosexual people who love each other to refrain from sexual activity outside of marriage, who places a limit on love and identity and the freedom that may of us thought he won on the cross.

It was a mis-telling of the better story, in my view, not a story I would be eager to share.

For the first time in my 40 years of ordained ministry I can look to God who will bless me and will bless my relationship. In my heart I have always known that I am blessed and in fact the church has blessed me in so may ways, but it has always been hidden, lacking in honesty and integrity. Today, after yesterday, we can be open and honest and truthful and not live in fear. ‘This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice in it’, as the psalmist says. We have crossed the Rubicon and we cannot go back and I hope and trust that those who voted against this will discover the good, rich fruits for life that will flow from it.

Jesus is speaking about mission to his apostles and he says this to them

‘What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops’. (Matthew 10.27)

For too long we have been whispering about inclusive love in the dark, now we must proclaim it in the light from the housetops. God is love and we are allowed to love and to be the ones whom God has made in love. For me it feels like liberation and I say that as the dean of a cathedral in a diocese that has been enlightened and bold and brave, for years, and yet even in this place I have had to live looking over my shoulder, so what has it been like for others in other parts of the church?

This is the better story and we can now tell it – that God loves all of us and wants to bless all of us.

The rest of the business of Synod went past in a bit of a blur and a haze. Items were bumped off the agenda, my two items ended up next to each other. In the middle of them the Archbishop of Canterbury made an intervention. In the end, after a rather cheeky response on my part, I allowed him to speak! He was so kind in thanking me publically for the role I have played in Synod over the last 18 years and as a member of the Panel of Chairs for the last 11. It has all been a privilege and I have loved it, even the bad and boring moments.

I will add one more reflection to this blog and then sign off finally. But for the moment, I just want to breathe the new, fresh air of the church and thank God that I can say and believe that he loves even me, a gay man, a gay and partnered priest.

Loving God, may we tell your better story of love and joy, of hope and promise, of life, now and for ever. Amen.

I’m not really into using sporting analogies, basically because I don’t really understand sports and so I don’t really know what most sporting phrases mean. But I do know what extra time means and penalties, of course, and thanks to Eddie Waring’s rugby commentaries, what an ‘up and under’ is. Anyway, the thing is that General Synod did not complete its work today. We have to return to ‘Living in Love and Faith’ (LLF) in the morning. By my reckoning we have another 8 amendments to consider and then need to get back to the debate on the main Motion, be it by that stage amended or unamended. Amazingly, after the sixteen votes we have taken this afternoon the Motion remains intact … but there is time to go.

Today began however with a debate on the cost of living crisis, which was important, and then I took the chair to complete the unfinished Miscellaneous Provisions Measure, which had itself gone into extra time. That was done and was followed by a debate on the Parochial Fees Order – those statutory fees that apply to weddings and funerals in the Church of England.

Between the morning and afternoon I was privileged to celebrate the Eucharist in the lovely church of St Matthew Westminster for the members of ACiS (Affirming Catholics in Synod). For the past, I’m not sure how many years, I have arranged the liturgy for these services which have taken place almost invariably on the first evening of a Westminster Synod. It has been lovely to be able to do that and that was why I was pleased to be asked to both preside and preach on this occasion. It provided a wonderful moment of reflection, feeding and peace before we went into the Chamber for the debate on LLF which was programmed to last for 5 hours. It was exhausting in prospect; it was exhausting in fact.

I will say more tomorrow when, by the grace of God, it will be completed. Just a couple of things beyond what I have said already.

The first is that people are behaving better than I had feared. People are being careful about the language they are using, in the main. It is sad to have to say that about a meeting of Christians but it is the case that we can use words to hurt and not to heal, to destroy and not build up. As it said in the gospel for the Mass today ‘the things that come out are what defile.’ (Mark 7.15) It was that that I reflected on in the homily and the fact that in the First Reading from the second creation narrative in Genesis, that it was the good, creative word spoken by God that created all things good of their very nature. That, of course, I believe, includes LGBTQI+ people, who are not a mistake, not ‘disordered’ but an equal part and product of the good word spoken.

Secondly, it seems as though there is a third, two-thirds split in both the Houses of Clergy and Laity. Many of the results of votes – and they have all been counted and mostly by Houses – have revealed this. Whether that will continue to be the case and especially in any final vote I obviously do not know. But at the moment the Synod seems generally behind what the bishops are doing. The other thing is that the House of Bishops is basically solidly behind their own Motion with only a couple of people expressing their unhappiness by voting against the majority.

But it is clear that there is a large number of our brothers and sisters who are unhappy about what is proposed and about even the possibility of blessing what they regard as sinful behaviour. Added to this is the unhappiness expressed by many who feel that the proposals depart from the doctrine, which they claim is long held, that the only place for sex is within marriage and the only people allowed to be married are a man and a woman.

Wherever tomorrow takes us we will have to deal with quite fundamental differences as we move forwards. We will also have to recognise that what people have said about attitudes in other parts of the Anglican Communion and other parts of the Christian church globally will have to be addressed because they will have implications for the wellbeing and, it was suggested, even lives of others.

We had two comfort breaks during the debate and I took advantage of one of them to go into the Church House Chapel to say Evening Prayer. It was calm and still and beautiful – and it gave me the strength to go back for more. I pray that all of us will sleep well this night and in the morning be ready to move with the Sprit for the sake of the church, the sake of mission and the sake of one another.

Be present, O merciful God,
and protect us through the silent hours of this night,
so that we who are wearied
by the changes and chances of this fleeting world,
may rest upon your eternal changelessness;
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

We have a great way in England of having phrases which do the job in quite subtle ways One broadband firm, selling itself with Yorkshire grit, uses the phrase ‘That’ll do!’ as describing white rose approval for something. To the question ‘How are you?’ we invariably answer, ‘Ok thanks’ even if we feel dreadful. So when someone asked me how today has gone my answer was, ‘It could have been worse!’ Clearly it could have been but it is hardly the strap-line that the Church of England really wants, hardly a positive endorsement of who we are, not a reflection of the kingdom.

R S Thomas’ much quoted poem ‘The Kingdom’ begins with those lines

It’s a long way off but inside it
There are quite different things going on

and it continues with an exploration of the way in which the kingdom of God things are healed, people are healed, things are turned round, people are turned round. Maybe we are in that place, maybe we’re not.

Anyway, I’ll come back to that but just to give you a feel of the day, we began with a Synod Eucharist which is never a liturgical highpoint but does gather us around the table sharing the meal which Jesus gives. The Archbishop of York preached on one of his favourite verses of scripture, from the psalms, “There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God” (Psalm 46.4) With his usual enthusiasm and down-to-earth way of looking at things it was truly refreshing. Gladness was something of which I needed to be reminded, and, to be honest, I was glad to be there.

As I have already said, there is a great deal of legislative business in this Synod. The morning began, once the cross and candles, fair linens/caterers tablecloths, chalices etc. had been taken away and the tech team had connected up all the screens and microphones we are have to use on the platform, with two pieces of business, one which was dispatched in Road Runner fashion and then the item that I was chairing. The first piece of legislation related to church schools, my item was more random. Every so often we have a Miscellaneous Provisions Measure before us, and this was such an occasion. Its purpose is to gather up all those little amendments to other pieces of legislation which are too small for a Measure of their own but would make a big difference if passed into law. This particular Measure contains clauses on bishops, dioceses, cathedrals, and much much more. Following this item was the Loyal Address and that had to be taken, so there was a timed adjournment at the end of my debate which we hit up against.

What was good was that people were engaging in debating what was before them and Synod wasn’t simply nodding it through, which was something I was fearful of after yesterdays Speedy Gonzales experience. But it does mean that we will have to resume the debate sometime tomorrow morning.

The Loyal Address was the opportunity for the Church of England to say loyal things to our Supreme Governor, King Charles III as he approaches his coronation. Archbishop Justin rightly reminded us of the faith of the Late Queen and of the commitment to faith that the King has, and his respect for all faiths. ++Justin also spoke about the privilege that we have as the Church of England to celebrate the coronation in this way.

With that privilege comes responsibility, we are the Church of England, for England and for everyone who lives in England, whoever they are. That responsibility includes the place of LGBTQI+ people as much as those who are straight. All the questions relating to LLF (Living in Love and Faith) had been kept back from yesterday’s mammoth Questions session and were dealt with before lunch. The tone was … chippy. Some things that were said were offensive but it was the usual suspects who voiced opinions that I sincerely believe are not held across the membership of Synod. But it did make some of us nervous about the afternoon.

After lunch the first item related to training for ministry. However, we were all waiting for the main performance, the second bite at the LLF cherry. This was billed as ‘Group Work’. We had been allocated into groups – laity, clergy and bishops mixed up together, and after an introduction were set off to do our work.

We all agreed not to put out on social media what people said in our discussions, and I respect that. All I will say is that as we looked at the ‘Pastoral Principles’, the ‘Prayers of Love and Faith’ and what might be in the new ‘Pastoral Guidance’ which we have yet to see. It could have been worse.

So we left the groups having heard the range of opinions and have gone off to get ready for the debate tomorrow afternoon, five hours on the subject. A great many amendments to the Motion have been submitted and it will be an ordeal, physical, emotional and spiritual. But it has to be done and I pray that those divine streams of grace will make us glad, that I’ll be able to say something more positive than ‘It could have been worse!’

One of the prayers that the bishops wish to commend might speak to us now and tomorrow

Gracious God,
from love we are made
and to love we shall return.
May our love for one another
kindle flames of joy and hope.
May the light and warmth of your grace
inspire us to follow the Way of Jesus Christ,
and serve you in your Kingdom,
now and for ever. Amen.

It was back in 1949, in a Looney Tunes cartoon, that the Road Runner first streaked across our screens. Always outwitting Wile E Coyote, the Road Runner was a great character. His speed always got him out of trouble.

There was something of the Road Runner at General Synod on this first day of this current Group of Sessions. There are times when the processes of the Synod seem like wading through treacle and then thought is given to streamlining them and we get a very different experience. This became apparent today. New procedures were being used for the first time in relation to legislative business. Instead of working laboriously through everything, there is now a ‘deemed approval’ system whereby unless an objection has been received and if no one is indicating that they wish to speak the whole thing goes through. That is exactly what happened when I took the chair towards the beginning of the afternoon session.

Synod had before it an Amending Canon which made changes to respond to one of the IICSA recommendations. Each diocese has at present a Diocesan Safeguarding Advisor. The proposal is that this position will be designated ‘officer’ which moves the focus away from purely advice to something much more executive in responsibility. The mover of the Motion had her time to present her report. There were no speeches made after that, no one wanted to speak. So we moved to the next stage, no one spoke. So we moved to end of the process. Within ten minutes the whole thing was finished. We had had quite a substantial period of time allocated in the agenda as had other similar items that afternoon. The Road Runner was at work and like another super-fast cartoon character of the past, Speedy Gonzales, we came to the end of business and arrived at the first of the three Living in Love and Faith (LLF) items on the agenda.

This initial item was a presentation by the Bishop of London in which she set out what had happened, how we had got to where we are and what will then be happening. I have to say, Bishop Sarah’s address was excellent. It was calm, kind, considered, sprinkled with theology and full of honesty. It was followed by a video of lots of people, and especially bishops, all saying nice things about gay people, which, personally, I could have done without. It’s like the apology that we have received; I don’t need an apology, I need change; I don’t need nice words, I need to see evidence of repentance, metanoia in Greek, which involves turning round, a change of direction, and I don’t think that is actually where we are. But it was a good beginning.

The next stage, tomorrow, is Group Work. The prospect of this fills me with a degree of despair. It feels like I have been in groups talking about this stuff for ever. But … I will play my part and say my piece and participate fully, and hope, and pray that it will help stage three of the Synodical process, THE DEBATE. I don’t think the Road Runner or Speedy will be evident on Wednesday afternoon, nor should they be.

But the effect of the new procedures was that there was almost two hours for Questions and as a result of excellent chairing all the questions were dealt with, probably a first, or at least a very rare occurrence – and this tour de force was greeted by applause from Synod members.

Jesus talks about a narrow gate and the path that leads to it

‘The gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life.’ (Matthew 7.14)

You can’t rush along that hard path, nor negotiate that narrow gate at speed; it takes careful work. So the pace will slow down but it has been an exhilarating beginning!

Loving God, help us travel the path that lies ahead and find that gate that leads to life. Amen.

It is with a degree of sadness that I approach this Group of Sessions of the General Synod which begins today in Church House, Westminster. The weather is lovely; the Abbey stood out clearly against a clear blue sky as I got off the tube at Westminster Station and walked across to get into Church House for the meeting of the Panel of Chairs which always precedes the beginning of the Synod for those of us who are members of the Panel. The sadness is that this is my final Group of Sessions and that, in many ways, we are still treading the same ground, or sinking in the same swamp, however you wish to describe it.

It was 2005 that I was first elected to the Synod as a diocesan clergy proctor from the Diocese of Southwark. Canon Richard Truss – yes Liz’s uncle – had nominated me and I was standing on a liberal catholic, inclusive ticket – no surprises there. It was fantastic to be elected and to be able to take my place in the Synod chamber. I was re-elected in 2010, then as a Dean in 2015 and finally in the delayed election of 2021. Despite all the politics and ridiculousness that sometimes surrounds the meetings of Synod I have actually loved it. What I really love, I suppose, is meeting up with people and actually feeling that the decisions we are making and the debates that we are having are significant. It never feels like a waste of time, compared to some other church meetings I have had to attend over the last 40 years!

I was so delighted to be part of the Synod that decided that the episcopacy should be open to all regardless of gender and it was great, as a consequence of being on Synod, to be able to serve on the Crown Nominations Commission for 8 years and to be able to contribute to the nomination of the first woman as a diocesan bishop. There has been so much more than that, of course and my second sadness is related to the ‘other’ stuff.

This Group of Sessions will inevitably be dominated by ‘Living in Love and Faith’ and the 5 hours debate that we look forward to on Wednesday afternoon. That will be a marathon for all of us, gruelling, challenging, potentially upsetting and, most probably, fundamentally divisive in its implications. The way in which the church deals with sexuality in general and LGBT+ issues in particular will dominate our proceedings. Over 60 questions have been received which need to be addressed in a second bite of the ‘Questions’ cherry on Tuesday. It will pop up all over the place and, I suspect, dominate discussions in the tea room and occupy the attention of most of the fringe meetings.

There is other stuff on the agenda – quite a lot of legislative business, amending canons, that kind of thing. There is a debate on ‘Insurance Premium Tax’, a mention of education, ministerial formation, parochial fees and, of course, Safeguarding, which will be the final debate I have the privilege to share, which is good, given that this has also been a feature of my last 18 years on this body.

It is a sadness, however, that we are still unable to really agree on a way forward with regard to sexuality. Our inability to do this has hampered our mission to the nation, discredited us in the eyes of many people, including parliament across the road. LGBT people now feel that so much of the church is not for them, and at one stage they contributed so much to the life of particular parts of the church. The families of LGBT people have given up on us because of the way in which we have so often talked of their children. Young adults can’t begin to understand what the problem is and why we waste time on this and are not as passionate about climate change, peace, justice, modern slavery, inequality – all the things that the God of justice is passionate about.

Yesterday’s readings for the Eucharist were so powerful as I was getting ready for what will me be this final lap, and the words of the prophet Isaiah are still with me as I approach the opening of this Group of Sessions.

Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of injustice,
to undo the thongs of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover them. (Isaiah 58.6-7)

These are the priorities of God and there is a promise to those who also share in the divine impulse for justice

then your light shall rise in the darkness (Isaiah 58.10)

Will we allow the light of Christ, the light of the kingdom, the light of God to shine through the church, or will we block it, again? We will have to see where the Holy Spirit takes us over these four days. Until then we should pray

O God, forasmuch as without you
we are not able to please you;
mercifully grant that your Holy Spirit
may in all things direct and rule our hearts;
through Jesus Christ our Lord
Amen.